Boing…boing…boing

The magic roundabout

Up and down
Round and round
Boing

I watched an episode the other day.

The wonderful fair ground music
The model characters popping along
Talking in mysterious mythologically understated allegory

Well, I don’t know what’s happening to me but I too am going
Round and round
Up and down
Boing

You tell me…
Is this dementia?
Or is it just depression?
Or physical conditions beginning to get the better of me?

Roller coaster
That’s the modern term.

I’ve been busy this Autumn.
Speaking at conferences and events
Meeting lots of lovely inspiring people working for the same thing
Learning about the great innovations and simpler everyday things that make living with dementia
Better
Easier

And now I’m burned up
Exhausted
Inverted
Staring in
Not feeling fed up, just nothing

No sense of having achieved much
No sense of impending change
Just tired

I wonder if others feel like this at the end of the year?

The roundabout has stopped for a little maintenance
A lick of paint
Grease the joints
Stop the creaking
Service the engine

And
Boing
We’re off again next month?

It’s like I lose my nerve now and then.
Imposter syndrome.
How could I be taken seriously?
I’m not an expert.
I’m just me.

Perhaps I’m writing this to get me back again
To the other person

Writing does that for me

When I was young I wrote self indulgent poetry
Diaries
Journals
And I wallowed.
They did something transformational at the time
And I grew a love of books, myth, poetry, language…

And now I write to sort out my thoughts
About dementia
Activism
Change
Feelings

And I hope it’s not self indulgent, self pitying rubbish.

I hope that I may help others to understand themselves
Dementia
What it’s like
Up and down
Round and round

Boing…