Don’t ask me to do two things at once!
The light is just beginning to brighten the horizon.
So there I was.
Lots of things to do around the garden.
All clear in my head. I take one thing at a time and do it.
Sometimes quite jaunty, at the start…
Later slowly, sometimes shuffling…
Aching a bit.
But I plod on through it and get everything done.
I’ve planted lots of plantlets in the last two weeks.
The garden looks amazing.
The veg are coming on well.
And flowers for a friend’s August wedding.
Gladis, dahlias, cosmos, Ammi, snapdragons,
And a few more…
I’ve still got to get the banter bus ready for France.
And three new clematis planted,
Tomatoes in growbags,
All my prescriptions and devices,
Summer clothes that fit (?)
I’m doing that plodding,
Head down, arms wide,
Sucking in breaths,
Trying to ignore the aches…
I enjoy gardening.
Seeing plants grow from seeds and cuttings,
Blooming into beautiful, colourful flowers.
“We need to put the stuff in the bus.”
I continue to plod.
“Can you help me move that boulder?”
“Can we plant the clematis?”
“Don’t ask me to do things when I am already busy.
“I can only do one thing at once.
“Look. I can’t handle lots of demands at once.
“I need to do one thing at a time.
“Don’t ask me to break off to do something else.
Etc etc etc
I just want to be left alone to do what I want to do.
And suddenly I wonder…
Have I deteriorated?
Can’t I keep more than one thing in my mind at once?
Have I just taken a step down (vascular dementia)?
Was I always like this?
Has my temper got worse?
(I’ve lost it badly twice in a week.)
Do I lose it more easily and quickly?
Is withdrawing to silent, solitary ways a strategy for self preservation?
Is this the next stage of my dementia?
Perhaps I shouldn’t think about it.
One of the most difficult things about dementia is
You don’t know whether it’s dementia.
Or you’ve always been like this?
Or you’re just getting old and more intolerant and impatient?
You just don’t know what’s right.
That’s quite difficult.